It's like God shit irony all over that family
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
