Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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