i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
