So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
