I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
