im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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