im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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