do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
