I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
