I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
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I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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