The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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