I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
