I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
