there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
