Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
