If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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