I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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