youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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