I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We need to get me chipped asap
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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