We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
