I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
