you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
MIDGETS
????
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
