hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize