Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Operation Purity has been aborted
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
