i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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