I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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