ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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