No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sarcasm needs its own font
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
