My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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