Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize