Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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