I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
