You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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