You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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