one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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