You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
