Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
