so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
