I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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