I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize