This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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