Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
