I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
