my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
