god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
