He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come on in and take your pants off
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