Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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