As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
