Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
