When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
