I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
