alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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