great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
