when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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