also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
