My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
