I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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