I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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