You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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