Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
