This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
