oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
