It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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