3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
