The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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