I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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