$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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