his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
